My Story & Recovery from an Eating Disorder

     Hey Guys, so my name is Chandler and I am currently a junior, in high school. Ok, I know what your thinking, "There is no flippin' way this chick knows what she's talking about." But let me change your mind. I have been through an eating disorder and recovery on my own and have done endless hours of research on everything I say. In no way will I ever tell you how to eat, move, or feel; I am only here to tell you about my life and things that have changed it in the best ways.
       Let's go back to that eating disorder... So, in my ninth grade year I started eating "healthy." I always remember feeling like the bigger one of my friends, which let me say, I was NEVER big, my friends were just tiny. As a 5'7 ninth grader I was about 135 lbs, I did cheer and a lot of it was muscle. By eating "healthy," I was restricting my calories A LOT. It got to the point where I avoided social outings with my friends in fear of what we would eat because I knew it wouldn't be healthy enough for me. I was constantly thinking about food, staring at the clock waiting till I could eat again. I depended on my mom a lot too, I wouldn't eat anything until she said it was OK and she had to tell me what to eat, in no way shape or form is she a nutritionist but she was the only one who knew everything I ate, so she had to know what I could eat in terms of everything else I had already ate that day right?
       I was in a really dangerous place with my body. I continued this till almost all through out 10th grade year, it continually got better but the fear was always there. I was always getting praised for my "healthy" eating and my skinny body type. I was still in cheer, doing vigorous workouts, and I would even find myself getting so dizzy because I didn't eat enough. I was so fed up with thinking about food constantly and being so isolated from my friends, so I decided to make a change. I looked into intuitive eating and i'm definitely still a newbie, but it is the best transition back to normal eating for me so far. Currently, I am on the school dance and tennis team, so I am still highly active. Other ways I find movement enjoyable is through walking. I love walks. I love to go on a walk and listen to a podcast, most of the time about intuitive eating. In this stage of my life, I hate running. For so long I looking at running as a great way to burn calories and I would force myself to run, so naturally when I allow myself to do things I feel good about, that is not one. I feel pretty good with life right now, but that does not mean I don't have set backs or down falls. I am just able to enjoy life for what it is and look at food as a way to enjoy those things more. You just have to tell yourself it’s OK and push through!!!